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a journal entry for New Testament...

Matthew 16

I really enjoy Matthew chapter 16, especially the second half. Christ says to the Apostles, “But whom say ye that I am?” He knows what the world thinks about him, but he wants to know what his followers think. Who is Jesus Christ to them. Who is Jesus Christ to me? Do I fully understand who he is for me personally? Do I take the time every day to strengthen that relationship that should be supreme? Jesus Christ is my SAVIOR. He gave his life for ME. He took upon him every sin and pain that I will ever create or feel so that I do not have to. He knows me better than I know myself. He is the ultimate friend. He is my older brother. I am ashamed at the little amount of time I spend devoted to him, thanking him for everything he has provided for me and supported me with. How can I be so ungracious? How do I not see the magnitude of his compassion every single moment of my life? He has infinite love for me, and I can’t even remember to get on my knees every morning and night to thank him. I cannot remember to do the small simple things that he has asked of me in return. How selfish can I be? And even being selfish, he is not mad at me. He is hurt, and yearns for me to talk to him and strengthen that relationship, but he forgives me as soon as I ask for it.

The savior goes on to say, “whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” ... “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” The way I am going, how much am I going to lose if all I focus on is my school, my career? How absorbed am I going to let myself get before I realize what a terrible mistake I have made? I have always been selfish – and perhaps that is just the natural man, but I feel I have been especially selfish. I have always wanted to be the best I could be. I took the hardest classes, participated in the most exclusive choirs and shows, worked the most prestigious jobs; I loved every minute of it. They were good things, even great things to be participating in. But were they the best? Has my life become a check list? A competition against myself to prove that I can do whatever I put my mind to? I applied to MIT because I wanted to prove that I could go if I wanted to. I want to go to grad school, and potentially get my PhD; but why do I want to? Is it really going to help my career that much? Am I ever going to use it? Or do I just want to be able to say that I have my doctorate in Biomedical Engineering? I don’t really know. I have to make sure that I have my priorities in line. Grad school, and a fabulous career are wonderful things. But I have to make sure that I am okay with giving them up if they are not the BEST choice for my life at that point in time. I need to always remember the gifts that I have been given and where they come from. I cannot take advantage of them. They are GIFTS. They did not just come to me by chance, but I must use them for the right reasons in the right ways.  I have to focus first and foremost on the BEST things for my life.  I have to refocus on the Savior, on his work and his gospel.  If I can lose myself in his work, than I will find myself and accomplish more than I ever could on my own.

thought