Step on the Right Scale

I hesitate to share this because it is a touchy subject, but I feel someone out there is going through the same thing as me. 

I have never been more insecure about myself in my life.  I constantly look in the mirror and wish I could change things. I feel fat all the time; my arms, my midsection, my legs, even my face.  I look in the mirror and want to just take a hammer to it.  I can't look in it and see a beautiful daughter of God. What I look at is how much my stomach hangs out of my jeans, or what outfits I can wear to hide my fat self.  I am constantly sucking in, telling myself, "If I could just get rid of this area..."  It scares me how concerned I have become with it.  I am not overweight in the least bit; I am petite all around.  But those thoughts still exist, and it has gotten to the point that I can think of nothing else.

I have said many prayers and fasted many times, but I am ashamed to say that my focus was on losing the weight.  "Heavenly Father, please give me the drive to work out extra hard today and not eat anything but salad. Help me to withstand the temptation"  I wanted his help to give me the determination to get it done and make it happen.  I figured it was a righteous desire, and determination was certainly a good quality to gain. 


Tonight I realized something that I hope I will never forget. The youth today of the church are the most valiant of spirits yet to come to the Earth. For that reason, Satan is trying extra hard to bring them down and make them feel miserable. He wants to prove that the Lord's plan cannot work and is doing everything in his power to make the righteous fall away.  He is trying to make ME fall away. He wants me to be miserable like himself.  So far, he's succeeding.  I cannot let him take over me.  I was overwhelmed with emotion this evening when getting ready for bed, and when I knelt down for prayer, I didn't ask for determination and help to loose weight. I asked for help to overcome the insecurities. I asked for the strength to look at myself and see only the beautiful daughter of God that I am, and not be concerned with the imaginary fat that I seem to have become so concerned with. My focus completely shifted.  I had let Satan and the ways of the world get to me so much that even my prayers had been focused on the wrong thing.  

It is so important that we always remember who we are and why we are here.  That we remember our Heavenly Father's plan and never lose sight of our eternal goal. We are children of a loving Father in Heaven. He knows each and every one of us individually. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses.  He knows our joys and our sorrows.  He knows our struggles and wants to help us get through them. He wants us to make it through to the end so he can give us all that he has. We must always remember this. 


When I wake up in the morning, I need to make sure I step on the scale measuring my eternal progression, not the scale measuring my outward appearance.

 Proverbs 3:15, "She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her"