a moving gospel

A couple of days ago I had the thought to start a blog. I didn't know why, or what about, I just felt impressed to start one. Tonight, at a devotional, my questions were answered and I knew exactly what I was supposed to blog about and why. So here it goes...

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the Mormon church. Both of my parents are converts, but I have had the privilege of growing up in the church. I was a fantastic child; rarely got in trouble, worked hard, and excelled in everything I did without my parents having to push me. I followed the standards of the church, hardly questioning them. One youth conference, I was listening to the closing devotional when something the speaker said hit me hard.  I realized at that moment, that I had just been going through the motions of being a member; I didn't really know if it was true or not. I had never given it a second thought. I was a good person, I hadn't ever done anything wrong; but I didn't really study and read my scriptures. I hardly prayed except for with the family and at meals. I had never really bothered gaining my own testimony. As I sat there, a timid 15 year old mia maid in an auditorium full of a thousand or so youth and leaders, the floodgates opened up and the tears began pouring out. I felt guilty. Guilty that I had taken for granted the amazing blessings that I had been given; I had a strong family who loved me more than I could ever imagine, I had talents and gifts out the wazoo, and I was at a youth conference full of hundreds and thousands of youth with the same standards as me. All I could think about was how I had done nothing with all that I had been given. There at that youth conference, were many many people less fortunate than I, but who loved the Lord and would give everything they had for him. I felt guilty; disgusted with myself for being so selfish and not even giving it a second thought. That day I made a promise to myself that I would try harder and stop going through the motions. I would gain my own testimony, and stop living off my parents'.

For a while, I read and really pondered my scriptures. I prayed daily and tried to keep him in the front of my mind. But, as usual, I fell back into the pattern of reading maybe one scripture a day, praying when I remembered- and even then it was rarely on my knees. My journal writing was pathetic. I would sometimes go a month and write in it every day. Typically, however, I would open it up to see that it had been a months or even a year since my last entry. Pathetic as it sounds, those habits were still worlds better than they had been.

Back in August, a good friend made a very wise comment on growing in the gospel and building our testimonies. He explained that the gospel was a moving gospel. In order to gain a testimony, we have to always keep working harder and moving forward. We can never just sit still; the minute we do so, we immediately begin to fall backwards.  This comment has remained in the back of my mind. I am at a time in my life right now where I have infinite opportunities in front of me. I have the privilege of constant exposure to the gospel, an amazing blessing. I have begun to really truly study my scriptures, and pray daily. I have sincere desire to know and grow in the gospel. My testimony has grown so much these past few months, and it would not have been possible had I not had the honest desire to build it. Daily I see the Lord working in my life. I am receiving answers to my prayers; something I had claimed to have experienced, but never really did. I feel his love every day and want to spread it. All I want to do is grow and continually learn; it's the most amazing feeling. I am realizing things about myself that I never imagined and it is helping me to become a better person- the person I had always hoped to be.

My intentions with this blog are not to document every little detail of my life, but more to share how the Lord is working in it each and every day. To my followers, if I ever get any, I hope you find this blog helpful and inspiring in some way. But to be completely honest, I am writing it for me; so that I recognize the the Lord's hand in all that I do and hopefully never take it for granted again.