and this is why I build walls.

So I can hide.

So no one can see the hurt.

So I can cry all by myself.

So I can hate myself for cracking open the gate. 

So I can scream at you and no one will ask why.

So no one will ask what's wrong.

So no one will know 

but me.

So I can look myself in the eye

and laugh.

Laugh that I even dreamed it possible.

That things could actually change for me.

Laugh because once again, 

I fooled myself into thinking the past was over,

that a new chapter had begun

and things might actually look brighter. 

But of course, 

Its not. 

And thats why I laugh. 

And no one can hear me.

Because my walls are insulated.

and surrounded by miles and miles of forest.

And another wall surrounds that.

No one comes near me. 

No one bothers me. 

No one cares.

And that's the way I like it.